It was common for the Israelites to erect stone monuments in memory of ways that God has delivered or provided for them (1 Sam 7:12). They serve as a physical reminder of God’s never ending goodness and point us to remember our Heavenly Father. I was taught as a college student to make mental stone monuments throughout my life story so that I may recall very specific incidences where I saw God in a very real tangible way. This exercise was to help me during my times of uncertainty and doubt but sadly, much like the Israelites, I rarely remember Him.
For the past year, I’ve been questioning my involvement with the Epic Movement and wondering if this was the right place for me? In a sense, I am Asian-American because I was born here but my entire childhood was set in Hong Kong while everything after that was set here in the States. At certain times, I feel either Asian or American but very rarely do I actually feel like an Asian-American. I rarely feel like I can identify with the Asian-American struggles and because of that, I feel confused about my ability to minister in an Asian-American ministry.
I felt the same about my Summer Project assignment as the Operations Director. My only previous Crusade Summer Project experience was seven years ago when I went to East Asia as a student. Not only was I expected to lead something I had no idea how to do, but also lead students through a part of their Asian-American story which I had never gone through myself. How was I going to lead people if I was so inadequate?
It wasn’t until a few days ago did the folly of my thoughts materialize for me. Every question I had about myself was ultimately pointing the spotlight on me and my failures. The appropriate response to my doubts was to fully acknowledge that I am inadequate but God is sufficient. Every stone monument in my life story doesn’t point to my goodness. None of them bring glory to me or toot my own horn. Every stone monument was meant to remind me that it was God, and God alone, that showed up and delivered me.
I am forgetful and will probably continue to be. But my hope and comfort is that He will direct me back to Him time and time again whenever I fail to remember Him. I am meant to serve in Epic and I was supposed to direct the Summer Project. I’m far from qualified, but because of Christ in me, I am justified to serve alongside many of you for God’s Eternal Kingdom.