Every father I’ve encountered in the last few months has told me the same three things:
2. Your life is going to change
3. You are going to change
When everyone is saying the same thing, there’s probably a good amount of truth to it. Although the ambiguity of this change is kind of frustrating me. I get things like;
“You’ll never be the same person again.”
“Having a kid changes everything.”
I get that people want to warn me and make sure I’m as well prepared as possible, but it’s not like I didn’t know these things already. It’s like when someone tells me that if I eat a lot of cheeseburgers that I’ll get fat. Why do you think TJ and I waited a few years before starting a family?
I do believe that once Poonlet is born, there will be a significant change in me but I also believe that change is happening now. For the past few years, every small child/newborn that I’ve held in my arms, I’ve had the same reaction: “Hm. Newborns are weird looking and very small.” I’m also amazed at how something so small eventually can grow to be an adult and I marvel at that but there is little emotional response on my end. (This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that knows me well. I’m not that emotional… yet.)
Tonight though, I saw a change in me and wonder if it’s just foreshadowing the changes to come. Two members in our Community Group just had newborns enter their world and for the first time since I found out that TJ’s pregnant, I held a beautiful little girl and I couldn’t stop staring at her. It was also partly because she was staring right at me (I have that effect on babies), but mostly because my heart was moved. In a few months, I will be holding my own child. A person that I will be charged with raising up in the Lord. How frightening yet inspiring all at the same time.
Yes, I’ll never be the same again. =)