Remember Pat from those old SNL skits where we were left wondering whether Pat was male or female? I kept having flashes of those moments when TJ and I walked into our last ultrasound appointment. Am I going to have a chance to teach my boy how to scissor/step-over combo to unbalance a defender or am I going to have a chance to live out a dream and destroy and bury some adolescent youth in my backyard to protect my daughter? Either way, both scenarios are going to be sweet, but for planning purposes I wanted to know which one I needed to be prepping for. I mean, should I be heading to Academy for soccer cleats or to Academy for a rifle and shovel?
It was really hard for me to be calm and composed during this appointment. I’m sure I looked the part from the outside, but I was really nervous for some reason. Not knowing much about ultrasounds and the equipment, I was wondering how in the world could the technician show us the baby without revealing the genitalia and basically ruining the Gender Party that TJ so wanted. We went to a rather nice office for this appointment and the ultrasound was being projected on a high def TV, so surely the lady was going to mess it up and accidentally get too close to the area and we’ll accidentally find out the gender of our baby.
Of course, these are professionals that we’re talking about here and the baby x-ray lady knows exactly how to wave her magical wand across my wife’s belly to show us exactly what she was looking for. “Here’s the spine. Here’s the foot. Here’s the hand which almost looks like a Hook’em Horns.” Yup. This is definitely my child. I actually got an even bigger kick out of my *Spoiler Alert* daughter keeping her hand on her face so we couldn’t get a good look at it. She wasn’t doing that on purpose to make things difficult for professional baby x-ray lady, but I like to think that she was.
In the end, the pro-baby-ray-lady did a fantastic job. Spoke about our child in neutral terms and wrote the gender on a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope for us. When we got home I put it in my desk drawer, somewhere safe and out of sight so I wouldn’t be tempted to try and sneak a peak. Funny enough, a few days had passed and I was doing some cleaning in the office, throwing away recycling papers and junk that I didn’t need anymore. When I got to my drawer, I had actually forgotten about the envelope and when I picked it up I hadn’t the slightest clue what it was and why I had this thing. Thank God that He reminded me very quickly what it was and that I put it back safely into its place. I’m certain that if I had another three seconds to think about it, I would’ve shredded it.
I have no clue what TJ would’ve done to me if I destroyed that piece of paper, but I would imagine taking a trip to Academy would be on her “To Do” list.