See what I did there? “Labor” Day?? See, see, get it??
Yeah, except I didn’t go into labor. Good thing, too, because one of my good friends already has his birthday on the 6th and I’m not a big fan of shared birthdays.
I really wanted to post something dealing with labor today because, well, it just seemed to fit. Especially since I came out last week about my own laboring plans.
By the way, that was hard for me to do. I had somewhat planned to keep quiet about the whole “natural” birth thing until it was over, since the reactions I usually get range from an eye-roll to “Hmph… good luck with that.”
Anyway, I don’t have anything labor-ish to post. Instead, I’ll write briefly about something almost opposite to labor.
The other day, I was praying and all of a sudden, God’s kindness to me hit me like a ton of bricks. (If kindness can do such a thing.)
The word I began to meditate on was “gentle”. Truly, I believe that God has been exceedingly gentle to me during this pregnancy. Everyone knows that this past year has been one hell of a year. Devastating loss and unbelievable joy and a host of transitions to go along with it. Have you heard of the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale? Yeah, I’m pretty sure our little family would be off the scale in “stresses” this year.
Even so, I really sense the Lord’s kindness to me throughout this pregnancy. I know it’s not cool of me to say it, especially when I know so many women who have had really really difficult pregnancies, but mine has been easy-breezy. (Physically, that is.) Why am I saying it? Certainly not to rub it in. I have done nothing special to earn or cause such a thing. I don’t even know how you would go about doing that… so much of it seems to be due to luck or maybe good genes?? No idea.
All I know is that I personally believe that God knows me. He knows my shaky personality and my faulty faith better than I could ever hope to understand myself. He knows exactly what will help me feel loved, and what will send me over the edge.
Am I saying that a difficult pregnancy would’ve sent me over the edge? Not exactly. Grace is given as we need – I do believe that. However, I also know that I have really struggled this year. I do still really struggle in some ways related to the events I’ve experienced. In other words, I didn’t need any help to doubt God’s kindness toward me.
I have learned that the only real and true basis I have for knowing that God loves me is the Cross. Circumstances are no help at all, since they constantly change. BUT… even the example of Jesus seems to indicate that God sometimes handles us differently depending on the state of our hearts.
He knows my fragile heart and my ever-faltering faith and how much I longed for and needed a season of gentleness and tenderness from Him. That’s the way I feel I’ve been handled the past few months – gently.