Who am I?
I am Jason. I am Chinese. I am male. I am a Longhorn. I am a father. I am happy. I am a steak lover. I am afraid of heights. I am a follower of Jesus. I am a missionary.
Up until a few months ago, I would’ve confidently answered that question any of those ways that I just listed. Right now? I am unsure.
The uncertainty of my identity and who and what defines me has made me lose my voice. I have not forgotten about this space, nor have I lost interest in writing and communicating. But as my sense of identity began to fade, so did my point of view. Without that, I couldn’t put anything down. Even now, it’s hard to write this without feeling as if I’m just wasting web space.
This level of uncertainty isn’t something that I’m comfortable with. I thrive on my level of confidence and assuredness of who I am, what I can bring to the table. When I am without those qualities, I feel unarmed and exposed. The best that I can describe this is “an unanchoring” of myself. But my hope right now is to start expressing, processing and writing and in time, I might rediscover who I am again.